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2012

Victory, conquering, staggering loss, nothing, nothing, everything.

Like walking through a tunnel searching for light and then it hits you and you feel nothing.

Like wanting the sea and getting a river.

Its been a strange one kids.

Im neither happy or sad its over but I am ready to move on.

Slowly.

Patiently.

If there is one thing I'd like for the next year other then fireworks, love and pure creation it would be a little more self acceptance/love/forgiveness.

I've been carrying and nurturing the same wounds for so many years now and all the sudden I am a scarred woman laughing whilst crying, not fully realizing how much lighter things actually are.

Its almost like I miss my darkest days or maybe I haven't found the right things to replace the dark with yet.

I still want more,

more,

more,

of whatever I can get my hands on.

Or maybe its just me getting older. One year at a time.

Happy new year lovers.

May all our dreams come true so we can create new ones.

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I thought I'd write you a note or two, since it sure has been a while...

You may have wondered what and where I've been and I also ask myself the same but as I may have mentioned before, sometimes answers can't be answered by questions. As the great Alan Watts would say: 'Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.'

Well, to let you in a little I haven't really been lonely except for the ongoing existential loneliness, but a rather transformative quarter life crisis has kept me company. As well as the sun, mountains and the second half of Rolling Stones: Tattoo You. I've been embedded in Egyptian cotton and a rogue hand has slapped me where needed. A few car crashes later I can also say how very privileged I am to be able to indulge in any type of crisis so in order for it to not have been in vain I have captured some of it for you. I've immersed myself in trying to figure out what actually is going on inside of me when the lights go out and the music stops and to deal with the complexities and aftermath of life and love I've been writing like my life depends on it. Which I realize it actually does. There is no such thing as "time off" if you're on the search. I'm on the search and I've been lost and found and lost and found. What I'm trying to say is that I am still alive and well, humbled and thankful, blue and blessed, scared, aching and searching. Younger and older then I've ever been. And I hope you haven't forgotten about me as I haven't forgotten about you and I cannot wait to share it with you! Both through music and through my photographic escapades so please clear some room in your heart and mind and hard drive or whatever they are called as I will be updating shortly.

Love truly and always,

LL

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